5 Full-Proof Ways To Stay Sober at a Party

Parties Sure can be a stressful situation for those who are just beginning their journey of sobriety. You know how to be the life of the party with copious amounts of liquid courage & social lubricant, but how do you make it through the evening without that help? My first recommendation would be to not attend any parties until you have accumulated a few months under your belt, but if you have to go, here are five ways to stay the master of your domain, and make it home with a clear head and no regrets.

1. BYOB- Are you nervous about someone shoving a drink in your hand at the party? Bring your own! Believe me, you’ll be the only person not getting your beer stolen out of the cooler if you rock up with the Near Beer. Used to be the only option when it came to 0% was O’Douls, which not only tastes like hobo urine but also has the added feature of putting a big sign on your back that says “Hi I’m obviously an alcoholic”. But those days are long gone, all the major brands have some form of nonalcoholic beverage to offer. I do not see the point in feeling bloated AND sober at a party so I’ve learned to stick with water, but this is a good first beginner step.

2. Hit the Eject Button- The further along you get with your sobriety the more tiresome you will find being around drinking culture, people get stupid when they are tying one on. Sometimes it's best to show up fashionably late, leave early, and hit the drive-through on the way home. Everyone will remember seeing you there, and if they don't just gaslight them into thinking you were, they’re hungover they don't remember anyway.

3. Enjoy the People Watching- I love people watching, whether that be at a funeral service or Walmart, there are some fascinating specimens out there. Being the sober sonofagun at the party allows you a front-row seat to some seriously interesting behavior, not only can this be entertaining but also use this as a reference point for how embarrassing your behavior probably was on your last blackout. So channel your inner Crocodile Hunter and use this as an opportunity to observe the nonsensical, self-destructive behavior of the alcoholic homosapien in the wild.—“Crikey!”  

4. Appoint yourself the Designated Driver- This is a solid move that will get you out of most peer pressure situations as not only is it a great get-out-of-jail-free card to anyone pressuring you directly, but the people who rode to the party with you will also defend you out of their self-interest to make it home safely. WARNING, this can also become a double-edged sword, because after a while it does get old being your drunk friend's chauffeurs, Especially after they spill Whiteclaw on your seats. 

5. Just Say No- At the end of the day you can only lose to yourself, even if someone is criticizing you with every insult in the book, everything from your mother to your manhood, these are just the words of some drunk who wants you to backslide. I love telling people no, it is a very empowering thing, if you recognize your sobriety as something special that needs to be protected at all costs, it can really put things in perspective for you. If someone is trying to compromise your morals or strength use this as an opportunity to hone your interpersonal skills, the good news is the person you are in a battle of wits with won't be firing on all cylinders so you will find it easy to come out on top. An excellent book on how to boost your interpersonal skills is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

6.  BONUS ANSWER! Find the Dog at the Party- There's usually a K-9 pal at the party, someone always brings their dog. I love animals, and you probably do too, and even if you don't, animals don't pressure you to drink so you should learn to love them. If there is ever a dog at a party that is usually where you’ll find me. So pop a squat next to the doggo, crack open a crispy O’Douls, and watch the madness commence!